Wasting Life Away

You have a job, you have bills, you get a raise, you get more bills, you lose a job, you try to reduce bills. This is the sum of your life and it happens over and over again.

One more payment, one more month, next month will be better.

Not today, maybe tomorrow, not this week, maybe next week. Don’t have the money, I had the money but I spent it, I have the money but nothing to spend it on, the money is all gone.

I can’t I have to work, I’m off but you’re not, our schedules just never seem to align.

I can’t wait until Friday, son of a bitch it’s Monday, I hate Mondays.

It’s 10 am I don’t get off for another 6 hours, it’s 3pm only one more hour till I get off.

I have no money for food, I have no money for gas, I have money for gas and food, but I spent it and now I’m back to not having any money for food and gas.

Rent is coming up, my car payment is coming up, this emergency just came up, I need a loan, I got a loan, I can’t pay for my loan, I wish I didn’t have a house, a car, or any of these things, I’d rather spend my money on what I want.

I should be getting a raise, I just lost my job, I’ll go back to school, I finished school and there’s still no jobs. The economy is horrible, my pay is not enough, for the love of god I need a vacation.

I wish I could just run away from it all but what about my kids. What about my family. What about all the things that I have here. What about it. I still feel like running away sometimes and starting over.

Where would I go. Should I take anything with. Fuck it, I’ll just leave, go someplace warm, and sleep on the beach and figure my life out.

Why do I do what I do each day. What for. There has to be something better, something different, something other than this. Is this what my purpose in life really is.

Why do I spend my life waiting to get off work, waiting for a weekend, waiting for a raise, always waiting. When those times come and those things happen I wait again for more.

I occupy myself in hopes of a better job, more money, more time, and more freedom. Someday, but not today, maybe tomorrow. I occupy myself so I don’t have time to think about my life and ask myself important questions. Not even the most important question of all.

Who am I.