Sometimes relationships are full of bad actors performing a drama in a high school play. No matter how many times you watch the play, and regardless of acting, the same thing happens every time.
Some people know the play so well that they start to think to themselves, “Well if I don’t do this, then she’ll get mad and do this, we won’t talk for 2 days, but then we’ll have great makeup sex, and be better for a week or so.”
Not only do they know how their partner is going to react to the things they say, don’t say, do, or don’t do — they actually welcome it and in some cases look forward to it. They are so bored with the relationship that this is all they have to look forward to, the weekly nonsensical conflict.
Problem: There partner may not look forward to the weekly conflict and may actually want to solve all conflict or make some progress in the relationship. This may get old and tiring and eventually the relationship could collapse.
So you fight, fight, fight, and eventually one day someone looks in the mirror and takes a hard look at themselves. Standing there staring at their reflection they notice they have aged, they look wiser than they remembered, and they may also look like the life has been sucked out of them. They are drained.
They start to ask themselves questions, “Who am I?”, “Is this where I’m supposed to be in life?”, and “Is this really it?”.
They start to react to these questions, “There has to be more!” or “I have a right to be happy!”.
Then they snap and you might be looking at your final battle in your relationship unless some serious changes happen. They start to care less and do more of whatever they want with little regard for you or your kids. This is a mid-life crisis in full effect.
Everything they ever wanted to do or felt like they haven’t done is coming out in full force now. The passive controls are destroyed first and the flood that pursues will be too much for you to handle. At this point it is virtually too late for you, all you can do is wait out the flood.
Problem: Your person is going to go do everything and anything, even find someone new if they have to, and they’ll break up with you or break a commitment in the process. One of the hardest things to go through in life, but you’ll get through it, and you’ll come out of it with 50x more understanding than you thought you had about relationships and the person you were in one with.
You can’t understand why they are back with their ex because you want to believe that what they told you about them was actually true.
Friends are sometimes impervious when it comes to protecting you in a relationship. They will sit there and compliment you on your find when you tell them all the good stuff about your person and when you switch from good to bad because something happened they’ll tell you what a douchebag he/she was and you never should have dated them.
In other words, friends are completely biased and one sided and their only role is to support you with a closed mind.
Problem: Judgemental friends who only know what you’ve told them can actually end up despising or hating another person that has done nothing to them whatsoever just because of the one sided story you told them about what they did to you, whether it’s true or not.
If you’re not careful these friends can eventually turn on you as well because they cannot comprehend or understand your relationship, nor should they, so they relieve themselves of the stress and drama that comes to them when they think about it and just stop talking to you.
Eventually the couple knows it won’t last or go on forever so they start to take things day by day. They find a way to make it last, just a little bit longer, because dealing with breakups and the loss is too much to bear.
They push the relationship to a breaking point and then recover to make it go again. They do the bare minimum and fix it for as long as they can, just to hold on. Even though both of them know it’s the inevitable truth and eventually they just won’t be.
Problem: People that are walking the plank will do anything to keep themselves from going over the edge. The spawning of serious mistrust and deceit is usually prevalent in these relationships. Couples will start to hide stuff from each other that could cause the other person to break and walk away. They’ll tell lies or pretend things are better than they really are. They’ll act like they don’t understand what the problem is or pretend there isn’t one.
They will say or do anything to cause the other person to reconsider what they know in their hearts they must do. Oftentimes this works with great success and the other person that was ready to break starts to think, “Well maybe I’ll just stay and see where it goes.”
What follows is usually some type of temporary bliss and rekindling until someone fucks up again and they are back to holding on.
Don’t get me wrong, even perfect marriages have irreconcilable differences but if you’re afraid to tell your partner the truth for fear of the consequences, even if it’s just how you feel and not something that you’ve done, then it doesn’t say too much about your character. You are a weak individual with a lot of insecurity and no assertiveness.
I know why you lie and in the long run you will be caught and the consequences will be greater than if you had just told that person how you felt or what you did in the first place.
In closing I’ll leave you with a song from Jack Johnson that reflects this type of relationship.
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We are here for a short while and then we die. You can choose to spend your life in peace with others or in conflict. The choice is yours. You can let go of anger and live in contentment or not. All good things can be achieved by respecting yourself first. No person is more deserving of your love and affection than YOU!
As Buddha says: "It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles".
"The road to truth is long. Travel well and without resentment. If you pick up a good companion to travel with, fantastic. Still, you will meet the end alone" ~ Michelle Sager