I’m Not Over You

The major determining factor in whether or not you’re over someone is in whether or not you can talk to them face to face without feeling anything.

When you can look your ex in the eye and talk to them like you would to a normal person or you can carry on a conversation with them that doesn’t feel strange or awkward, then you can say you’re over it.

Until that happens the only reason you have for avoiding them or not talking to them is stubbornness and unfinished business. If you avoid someone or simply ignore them, then you are more than likely not over them.

Most couples that divorce still talk to each other. Almost all couples with kids during a marriage talk to each other after a divorce on a regular basis. In marriages that last over 7 years and have kids during a marriage, a lot of them remain good friends.

You can spend your entire life ignoring someone that you ultimately should have ended up spending the rest of your life with — just because you’re stubborn. You can spend the rest of your life running from ghosts. You can spend the rest of your life carrying around emotional baggage.

And you can die with regrets.

But you can always choose to face your emotions, face the people you’re avoiding, and face the scenarios that keep you awake at night. You can face it and wipe your slate clean. No one to avoid, no emotions bottled up, and no possibility of running into an awkward scenario.

Awhile ago I met this girl and we instantly clicked. Problem was I had so much unfinished business from my current and ending relationship, that eventually I ended up having to give up both or I would have probably died from acute stress.

In order to do this I adopted a philosophy of out of sight out of mind. The only way I could stop thinking about her was to pretend like she didn’t exist. Full blockage, full ignore, and avoidance.

It was easy at the time because we were thousands of miles apart. In the meantime she moved on and I moved on or sideways or backwards, all I know is that I was just moving, just drifting along and riding the waves.

Looking back I was all over the fucking place, perhaps a midlife crisis. I had lowered my standards to a devastating level. I began to hang out with and associate with people that just have no place in my life. Eventually I snapped out of that one and got my standards and dignity back.

Maybe it was just what I needed.

Many months later on a drive while I was taking care of business I drove passed a chick in a car on the highway. I was going pretty fast so I just glanced at her and was checking her out in my rear view mirror, she was looking pretty good and I drove on.

A little while later this chick passes me. Okay she wants to race I’m thinking so I gun it and pass her. Low and behold, that hot chick I was racing with was my ex that I hadn’t seen or talked to in a long time.

We pulled over at a gas station and caught up, that’s when I realized I still had feelings for her. However, I knew the only way to get away was to ignore her existence again so I carried on that day. I have no happy ever after to report to you.

Life goes on.

I then thought once again things were going a certain direction but I fell head first into a well placed trap by the only person I really trusted in my life, the only person I thought I could ever really count on, the only person I thought would never do me wrong — my now ex wife.

A trap so deceptive, so well placed, so grandeur that I was caught by complete surprise. I was also devastated. I took a hard loss, something I didn’t think I’d ever recover from.

The only thing that kept me together, if you can call my emotional state “together”, was my baby daughter that had just been born. I poured all of my love and kindness into her, she was my world, it’s how I survived.

And at that low point in my life, for some reason I’ll never understand…God sent me an angel. I don’t even believe in God, sure there’s something out there that I can’t understand, so call it God if you want, but I think religion is just a tool to control the minds of masses. I don’t find religion to be spiritual at all, religion doesn’t make a person spiritual, neither does showing up to church, you are spiritual on your own accord.

That’s just my opinion, but that day, and for that week, you could have convinced me that God did exist.

You may be wondering who my angel is at this point.

It’s probably obvious because of the topic of this post, but it was my ex. The one I had been ignoring. I wasn’t over her, I still had feelings for her, and she had feelings for me.

She’s now my fiance and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So I leave you with just two things to consider:

1. If you haven’t faced your ex and left some business unfinished. If you intentionally ignore them or can’t speak to them. The chances are you’re not over them as much as you want to pretend, it’s simply not true.
2. Your ex might be the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with, just like mine was for me.

No regrets.