When you forego doing something that might offend or hurt your partner, that is called respect, not control. Respect is a vital component of any relationship, without it, there simply isn’t one.
If you feel your partner is easily hurt or disrespected, it’s your job to find out why. If you don’t take the time to understand their feelings you don’t belong in the relationship. If they bring up something you’ve done to them in the past, don’t discredit it or toss it aside, try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to figure out what you would have done if you were them.
Understanding is another vital component of relationships . If you don’t take the time to understand, your relationship is doomed before it starts.
Justifying or making excuses for your actions that hurt that person will not change whether or not they were hurt, just take responsibility that you did what you did, and try to work toward a solution that benefits both of you.
If no solution can be found then it is up to you as to what is more important, being with that person, or going to the strip club on saturday night.
Everyone is entitled to do what they want but oftentimes it is overlooked that the relationship was something they wanted. In a perfect world everyone would be able to do whatever they wanted when they wanted without consequences but entering into a relationship with another human being means you made a conscious decision to make it a priority and respect them.
If you find the things you do to hurt them don’t have any merit, don’t compare them to other people or other relationships, you are not other people or other relationships, you are just the two of you and there is no relevant comparison. There is also normal, what you have is the normal.
There is you respecting and accepting their feelings as valid or there isn’t. There is nowhere in between. If you continue to hurt your person doing things you feel shouldn’t, the hurt is still there whether you think it should be or not. You cannot control the reaction other people have or their justifications for those reactions. All you can control is yourself.
By all means stand up for what you think is right and talk about the issue, but if at the end of the day you couldn’t persuade them to see your point of view, then it does no good to stay in the relationship, and you must make a choice.
Maybe some people are meant to be together and some aren’t, but I don’t believe that to be the issue here. The issue is what are you willing and not willing to accept in your relationship.
If you’re getting ready to go to Spring Training to fulfill your lifelong dream of becoming a professional baseball player, will you give up your dream for your partner if they say nay?
There are things that are perfectly okay to walk away from, others are actually ridiculous. Is partying everyday of the week your lifelong dream? The scale has to be properly weighed. It is not a good idea to give up everything you built together over small things, relationships are about compromises.
You can find someone that will support you partying every day of the week or going to strip clubs every weekend, but guess what they are going to be doing too? Probably partying everyday of the week and going to strip clubs as well. Are you willing to accept that type of behavior?
Most behavior conflicts and misunderstandings come into a relationship because the other person does not have the same interests (partying everyday) and doesn’t understand why you do it.
Some people like to have real life goals and real dreams. Some people like to be with people who lift them up, don’t waste their life away, and have positive hobbies other than getting drunk and acting like an idiot with their friends.
Check with your partner to see what their life goals are, what their dreams are, do you even know? Are they ambitious and like to do things without drugs? Do they like to be outdoors, hike, and exercise? Do they prefer to go to school and get degrees and pursue high paying professions? Do they run their own business and enjoy the company of people that can add to the business?
It’s not that opposites can’t be together…it’s at some point when the relationship gets serious you have to look at the other person in a long term manner. You have to ask yourself where does this person hope to end up in the next 5 years? Has your partner not even thought about it or do they not have an answer? Are they okay with what they are doing?
Destructive habits in relationships cause a lot of arguments — and they should. While it may be your right to do negative things, at some point, especially when you’re married or have children, your partner and children pay the consequences for your bad choices.
Eat bad food and get fat and your family will be pushing you in a wheelchair or you might die early. Get drunk, party, and be unsafe and you would be ruining your family unit. Mom can’t always be waking up drunk while dad takes care of the house and children.
If your negative habits are so important to you and you don’t want to do anything else with your life, then leave the relationship, and go match up with someone else that has those interests. Find someone to smoke weed, drink, or party with. Remember their are consequences of those choices, most, but not all people, don’t make high wages, some don’t have jobs, and some can’t even support themselves.
So what it is you’re looking for? You have to accept the good with the bad. If your partner is looking out for you long term and you’re all short term, its’ just not going to work.
Weigh the reality of life. Some people like to be smart asses and say “YOLO” for you only live once, but keep in mind, you only die once too.
If you can’t match up your long term goals for your relationship and your short term habits and interests are out of whack, there’s just no chance. I don’t mean to agree with their long term goals either, I mean are you willing to put the effort in to actually show that you are pursuing them?
If it’s a retire by 55 goal are you actively working toward something or pursuing a higher paying career. If its running a 5k someday are you eating healthy and taking care of your body?
You can’t fake it till you make it when it comes to relationships. When you mistreat others they tend to not want to be around you.
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Thank you for this. I came across it in perfect timing. I didn't think I was asking for too much and I still don't think I did. But I couldn't put my words together, to get across properly. This however stated exactly what I was trying to communicate..