The Difference Between Trust and Just Not Caring in a Relationship

Whenever I run across someone that brags about how perfect their relationship is I have to stop and question what that means. Most of the time it’s not that the two people are in love anymore than the rest of us in relationships, but that there is a control element missing from their relationship.

So a perfect relationship is not defined by love but by freedom. By freedom I mean that each person allows their other person to operate independently from the relationship in a manner that is less controlling than the average or typical relationship.

And it’s not that the average relationship is full of control or that control is a bad thing. It’s just that most relationships are filled with expectations, promises, and “expected” normal behavior that it places restrictions and limitations on each person in a relationship.

It’s not even that these restrictions come directly from the other person, most shackles are forms of passive control. Every relationship has some type of passive control. Whether you’re expected to maintain a job to pay the bills so you can’t go out and get hammered on work nights or it’s your turn to watch the kids on Wednesday, the same night that your friends are doing bowling league — every relationship has normal forms of passive control.

Upon further examination of this idea of a perfect relationship without control, I have found that most people believe the lack of control stems from a strong bond full of trust.

While that may be the case for some relationships, I would imagine the real culprit is not trust, but rather, a lack of caring on behalf of your partner. Your partner may not care what you do because 1) They aren’t really that into you and they are aware there are plenty of fish in the sea or 2) You occupying yourself allows them to get free time of their own which they value over spending time with you or having you around for those durations.

So while you go out to the bar 3x a week without your significant other, get drunk, and flirt with random men thinking that you’re in a great relationship, keep in mind that your partner may really just not care.

They might allow you such freedom actually hoping that you do cross a line or do something stupid so they have a reason to end the relationship. Or they may grant you such freedoms fully aware of what you are doing in order to obtain those same freedoms for themselves.

So how are you using your freedoms? Are you doing things you wouldn’t want your partner to do? Cause I guarantee you they are doing it too. Maybe it’s time for a little control.

They say women can fake an orgasm but men can fake an entire relationship.

So while you’re out enjoying your freedom and thinking you’re in the best relationship ever because your significant other doesn’t say anything or even greets you when you come home with an “I love you, how was your night”, be warned that they might not care and be faking it.

You might be valuable enough to have around while it doesn’t create too much of a hassle, but not valuable enough to have around otherwise.

Unless you’re dating Ghandi or Jesus, any relationship that lacks some type of control is a relationship where your partner has other things he/she values over you. If they have no expectations and you have no responsibilities than you are a useless component of a relationship and are easily replaceable.

If you wish to come and go as you please without consideration for the person you are in a relationship with, try being single instead of walking around and talking about your perfect relationship because your relationship is far from perfect.

Remember, anything of any importance to you is heavily monitored and tracked. People in relationships are no different. If you are important to someone where they have identified you as an extension of themselves, or a soul mate, then they would protect their interests.

They would seek to keep your time open to be readily available in case they wish to be part of your day. They would seek to keep you from involving yourself with other people, especially of the opposite sex, so that there is no threat to them and they don’t have to continually compete for you and your time.

Forget about trust, forget about the phrase “if you truly love something, let it go, and if it returns, it was meant to be”. That stuff is all garbage.

Pretend that you own a Ferrari. Consider that your girlfriend/boyfriend is like a Ferrari. Realize that everyone would take it/him/her for a ride if given the chance, this is the mindset you would adopt if you gave a shit about your relationship. If Ferrari doesn’t do it for you replace it with something else heavily sought after.

You wouldn’t loan your car out to someone and tell them to bring it back when they felt like it, because you’d honestly never see it again. And you wouldn’t send your girl/guy out with the same instructions, because you might not see them again.

People protect the things they love and cherish. Loving someone from a distance is okay, but it’s not the makeup of a soulmate nor a perfect relationship.

If you don’t “belong” to someone then you do not have a soulmate. You are just two souls working in a temporary state of cooperation without any binding whatsoever. When that happens, we refer to each other as friends, friends with benefits, or roommates.

Is your significant other really one of those things in disguise and you’ve mislabeled what you have?