Chapter 1: Silent Night

“I fucking hate you,”, she screamed, “are you bipolar or something?”

He sat there watching her again, an all too familiar scenario unfolding before his very own eyes. The prettiest woman he had ever laid his eyes on. Her beautiful brown eyes glazed over with anger. Her perfectly slender curved figure now tense with hostility. The perfect woman alright, look at her lips move, those luscious brilliant red lips, now spitting words of hatred at him.

As he stood there he stared straight ahead barely participating in the conversation. He began to wonder how it ever got to this point in the first place. Arguments like these used to affect him greatly but he had become so numb to them over the years.

“I went down to the baseball field to take some batting practice for an hour. Why do you always get so upset with me over nothing?”

“You just walked out of here and didn’t say where you were going, if I had ever done anything like that I’d never hear the end of it.”

It was true, he had just walked out of the house without saying where he was going but sometimes he just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Baseball was a form of therapy for him, a place where he could release extra energy, whether it was just to work out or to let out some anger and frustration, it was a physical activity that he did when he could. Although he did just walk out of the house, sometimes he wished she would just walk out the door without saying anything, but not come back like he always did. Then he wouldn’t have to listen to her bitch anymore.

He banished the thought as soon as it crossed his mind. How could he be at a point to think such things, he wondered to himself. This was the perfect woman for him, everything he had ever wanted, he couldn’t do without her, why would he want her gone?

For as far as he could remember, every relationship eventually went this way. They always started out great as neither person had any expectations of each other, but once they got settled in and comfy then, all of a sudden, they expected the world. He could never live up to the demands these women placed on him, and no matter what he did or said, it just wasn’t good enough.

He was very successful in all other areas of his life. He had become a millionaire at the age of 25, was very good at all sports, did great in school, but now he was midway through his 30s, in fact, he would turn 36 in June of this year, and he wanted very much to settle down and have a family. He had always busted his ass, especially to take care of the women in his life, but they were never happy. There was always something to complain about, no matter what. If this relationship didn’t work out, like so many others before, he had decided that it would be time to re-evaluate his entire life. Whatever he had done up until this point, just wasn’t working for him.

“Valerie, I’m not going to do this again. It’s the same old play that we’ve rehearsed so many times before. You can play my part if you’d like but I’m leaving to go hang out with Jim. I’ll see you later.”

Without even glancing back he walked out of the house, got into his car, and drove off. He knew full well that this would only escalate the situation but he wasn’t in the mood for it. Besides he had planned to meet Jim down at the local tavern tonight. He didn’t usually drink, at least not anymore, but it seems he ended up doing it more often every time he got into a new relationship. He just wasn’t able to cope with the stress these relationships brought any longer. This was the only way he could escape and vent without going insane.

“Bill, how are things with you and Valerie?” asked Jim.

Jim was Bills best friend, they had met each other in the 5th grade of middle school and had done everything together, including business. Jim was happily married to his high school sweetheart, going on 17 years, they got married right out of high school. If there was anyone who knew how to keep a woman happy, it had to be Jim, he was obviously doing something right. At least he could sleep at night without wondering whether or not his significant other would be there when he woke up in the morning.

“Jim, they are horrible as always. I just don’t get it. It’s like I attract incompatible unhappy women into my life or something. I don’t know, maybe it’s me. When it’s good, it’s the best ever and I think she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, but when it’s bad, it’s awful. I’ve actually thought about just putting a bullet in my head this time as it would be easier than going through the motions again. Each time it just gets worse. The fights become more harsh, we don’t talk for longer periods of time, and I just can’t take the anxiety and stress. I don’t eat, I lose weight, I can’t sleep, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. How do you do it Jim? What am I missing here?”

Jim ran his fingers through his beard a few times, thinking carefully about what he was going to say, before responding.

“Bill, I’ve heard you say this for each and every relationship you’ve been in for the last 8 years. Ever since you and Tiffany got divorced, periodically we meet up here, and you tell me the same story but about a different woman you’re with. You were with Tiffany for 10 years, how did you manage that? Something must have changed right? I mean, unless you were unhappy like you are now and you just stuck it out?”

Bill thought about what Jim was saying and as painful as it was to hear it, Jim was right.

“I’m not really sure. When I was with Tiffany things kind of just were. It was my first real serious relationship and I wanted it to work more than anything. Beyond that though, I had limited experience of what a relationship should or could be like so I kind of just accepted it for what it was. It was stable, almost too stable. We got along but there was never that spark that I’ve had in any of these other relationships. I’m not sure if we just weren’t in love or what but we acted like best friends running a business together. Maybe that was love, and what I’m experiencing now with these new relationships is just unsustainable, yet I keep trying to sustain it. There has to be a way to feel this way all the time, you know what I mean Jim? How do you feel about Sarah after all these years?”

“Excuse me gentlemen, may I get you another drink?” asked the waitress.

“Two more Bud Lights” said Jim. He glanced over at Bill and saw that same look of disappointment and despair on his face that he had seen so many times in the past 8 years. “Ma’am, put those on my tab.” he added.

The waitress nodded and walked back to the bar.

“Thanks Jim, but you don’t have to do that”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s payday, besides, I can buy my best friend a drink when I want to. Take it and be happy about it or I won’t offer it again.”

Bill rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Thanks man.”

Jim glanced down at his watch, it read 1:13AM and he realized they had been out for several hours now at this point. “Bill, I know you’d love to hear about me and Sarah, but I’m afraid I have to get going after this beer. Perhaps another time I’ll tell you about my relationship, but one thing is certain at this point.”

“What’s that Jim?”

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself. I love hanging out with you and all but lately all we seem to ever talk about when we are out is problems in your relationships. I miss the old Bill that I knew. The one that would get drunk with me, we’d shoot some pool, talk about football, and not have a care in the world. You’ve got to figure this one out for yourself I’m afraid, I’m not sure what help I can be at this point, we’ve been having the same conversations for over 8 years now. Every time you come to me, it’s the same problem, and I tell you the exact same thing. I know you know how I feel about Sarah and I’m not sure I can really tell you for the 100th time in a different way that somehow makes you feel better about your current relationship. I don’t mind trying, but please hear me out on this one.”

Bill was a little taken aback at hearing what Jim had to say, but finally conceded.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. At this point I just like to vent. I appreciate you listening to me for all these years and I hope I can figure something out because there has to be more to life than this. Now that I think about it, you know what’s kind of ironic about all of this?”

“What’s that Bill?”

“That’s almost the exact same conclusion I came up with before Tiffany got divorced. One day I woke up and I said, you know, there’s just got to be more to life than this. And that was it.”

“Don’t worry you’ll figure it out Bill. I gotta get going home to the wife, take it easy. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later Jim, drive safe.”

Jim got up from the table, paid the tab, and walked out the door.

Bill stood up and noticed he was a bit tipsy, almost too tipsy to drive. He had been at the bar with Jim for several hours now and had drank almost 10 beers. No matter what happened or how drunk he got, he somehow always drove himself home and made it unscathed. He had never been pulled over or arrested for a DUI, but something just wasn’t right about tonight. He decided that he didn’t feel like taking the risk this time and driving so he began a 5 mile trek home from the bar on foot.

It was a chilly winter night. Not the optimal night to be walking home of course but with alcohol coursing through his veins, Bill had extra confidence on this night. If he could guess the temperature it must be below freezing. The roads were iced from the snow storm yesterday which melted today and then froze at night. He was dressed in tennis shoes, jeans, and a light jacket; more designed for going out and looking good then for cold weather climate. But it was only 5 miles and he was in pretty good shape, he would be home in no time.

He glanced down at his watch, it was now 1:38AM. He estimated that he would be home around 3AM and he was not looking forward to it. She would be there and she would be awake, just waiting for him to walk through the door so she could verbally assault him again like she always did on these nights. He cringed at the thought of walking through that door and seeing her face. He was already envisioning the argument down to very last detail.

Most of this 5 mile journey would be done on lightly travelled roads. Bill lived in a small town of only a few thousand people and most of them had to work tomorrow so there were hardly any cars that went by as he walked on.

After walking for about 30 minutes he started to get the chills and began shaking uncontrollably. He wasn’t so confident that this would be an easy 5 mile hike and decided that he would take a shortcut and cut right across farmer Vincent’s Field. He figured this maneuver would save him at least 20 minutes.

As he left the road he noticed that it was a well moonlit night and that walking through the forest was easy due to the reflection of the moon off the freshly covered snow. There was enough snow on the ground that it covered all of the grass and shrubbery that could normally be seen. He was thankful that it had melted and froze the night before making it was easy to walk across the top of it.

He made his way across the field almost effortlessly. He began thinking about how things would go when he got home to Valerie. Mainly, he wondered if there was anything he could possibly come up with to deter some of the brutal mental punishment he was about to receive. He pictured himself walking into the door shivering and her waiting by the couch with the light on, just like usual. He would walk in and she would say….

**Crack**

Just then his thoughts were interrupted by a loud cracking sound and all at once he came back to his senses. Apparently he had been having a day dream while walking. He looked around and noticed he was no longer surrounded by trees anymore, in fact, he found himself in a wide open area.

**Crack**

“Oh shit!” He thought to himself and he began to panic. He had somehow gotten off course and was now standing directly on top of Jefferson pond, which was only lightly frozen. Before he could react it was too late, he shouted “Help” at the top of his lungs right as the ice cracked a final time and he felt the cold water swoosh over his feet and then over his entire body.

It hit him hard, he couldn’t breathe, all of his muscles contracted so tightly and he was doing the best he could to stay afloat, but every effort to get out of the hole resulted in more ice breaking in his hands. He fought for as long as he could but then his breathing began to slow, things became dark, and then they became no more.