When it comes to dealing with Narcissists people are really quick to label and avoid them. The majority of these labels are misplaced. It is not uncommon for someone to call someone a Narcissist because they are displaying one or more Narcissistic traits in response to an environment or a particular person (you).
Dealing with a real Narcissist (one that matches enough of the traits on a consistent basis) to be diagnosed as a Narcissist by a Psychologist is an entirely different matter. We do come to find that many people are inaccurately being called Narcissists.
While that is not always the case, the majority of the time it is. A real Narcissist is a scary thing so if you are engaged with someone that consistently shows enough traits and characteristics of a Narcissist outside of you or a particular environment, I do wish you the best. You should definitely seek help and try to avoid that person at all costs.
But for the majority of us labeling people as Narcissists that really aren’t. We are actually hurting ourselves in the process.
What we tend to do is put up this narcissistic “shell”. We start to see everyone as a Narcissist whenever any of the traits of one are exhibited (and sometimes even when they aren’t). While almost everyone, at one point or another, exhibits traits of Narcissism (they’re hard to avoid if you look at the list), exhibiting these traits in response to an environment (or person) does not make you or them a full blown narcissist.
At best you could say in response to dating this person they began to display narcissistic traits.
This is where the big problems begin.
Because we start to act as a victim (almost full time), we see anyone that disagrees or exhibits even the slightest hint of a Narcissist as a full blown Narcissist and then what we do is try to avoid them at all costs.
We start a new relationship and all of a sudden for the littlest of things, that person is a Narcissist so you break it off with them and avoid them.
You continue going through your life casting the hurt you experienced from a relationship (or person) long ago onto everyone else. This is often referred to as projecting.
This does not help you deal with a Narcissist. You can’t just continue to hide and run from everybody all of the time. It will leave you secluded and exhausted.
Unfortunately, most people don’t like to hear this but YOU are the actual problem in your life. No one is taking away from the pain or hurt you’ve experienced from someone exhibiting Narcissistic tendencies but calling someone a Narcissist does nothing for you.
Labeling someone a Narcissist and then avoiding them is causing yourself extreme psychiatric harm. As I said above, almost everyone at one point or another will exhibit a trait of Narcissism and if you cannot handle or deal with it, you become weak. The more you hide and the more you label, the weaker you become.
You find yourself trapped in victim land thinking everyone is out to get you and out to hurt you. The land of Narcissists is one of self-indulgence, a land where only they matter and they will do anything they can to get what they want.
Shouldn’t everyone have what they want?
Narcissists just tend to get there in manipulative ways, but then again, a lot of people will try some form of guilt tripping or manipulation to get their way.
This is actually common in our environment, the entire act of negotiating and cutting a deal is a form of two people exhibiting narcissistic traits to emotionally sway someone to their side to make a sale.
Some of these traits are actually necessary to survive.
What you need to focus on is becoming stronger. You can think someone is a Narcissist all you want, but until you can think like a Narcissist and recognize their tactics you will always have to run or hide from them.
The faster you can identify their tactics and become immune to them, the faster you can heal and become a stronger person. You will get so strong that there won’t even be a point where you think that someone is a Narcissist anymore. You’ll just be like, that’s Frank, and he’s honestly a dickhead.
People are people.
Labeling someone a Narcissist is just a scapegoat to allow you to have an excuse to protect your fragile ego and mind. You aren’t helping anyone at all, not yourself, or the “narcissist”.
To make matters worse you are probably posting on social media things that relate to narcissism and how you’ve been hurt by someone you’ve dated that was one. And you probably have a group of like minded friends that like and comment on your post and tell you it’s okay.
I’m here to tell you otherwise.
Stop posting dumb shit, it’s not okay. Even if you were hurt by a real Narcissist (rare and scary) you aren’t doing yourself any favors by even acknowledging that Narcissism is a thing and you’re allowing yourself to remain weak and fragile.
If you want to put an end to Narcissism and the harm they can do to you or others. Teach yourself to become strong and immune to their tactics and pass these findings onto others.
Life’s too short to be afraid and hide from the world. Become the strong bad ass mother fucker you were meant to be and put an end to Narcissism once and for all.
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