As you go through life there will be many times when you either learn something new about the world or you learn something new about yourself. These moments are often very enlightening and usually you will look back at something you did or said and think to yourself, “Wow, was I an idiot back then.”
The more humble I become the more A-ha! moments I seem to run across.
When I was a teenager there weren’t very many at all because I was too arrogant, like most teenagers, to realize what mistakes or improvements I could have been making. I was too oblivious to the things I was doing wrong or the things I could have done better. I didn’t even think for a minute that they could be done in a better way. Because of my ego, everything I did was “always” done the “right way” and there couldn’t be any other way to go about things.
Fast forward 15 years and you’ll find very few things about that past that I would agree with today. You’ll find very few things that I would do the same way, if any at all. You’ll find me in a completely different state of mind with a completely different philosophy on life. In fact, if I were to take my current self of today and introduce him to myself of 15 years ago, they would not get along and probably wouldn’t speak to each other after the first encounter.
The teenage me saying wow this guy is an idiot and the present me thinking this kid is an arrogant asshole, I’m afraid it just wouldn’t work.
Back then everything was always done in a rush, I was invincible and impatient at the same time, these two things that when combined usually result in serious bodily harm to myself or others. Although I did enough stupid things where I statistically probably shouldn’t be alive today, I somehow made it out fairly unscathed. After talking to old friends about the things we did, we are all in mutual agreement that we beat the statistics.
Although we have some good stories to tell and we learned a lot by reflecting on our mistakes, not everyone has been on a path of extremes where in the course of 15 years everything about them changes. Most people have a few core philosophies that never change and a set way of going about doing things. Because I had no religion and no parental guidance growing up, I’ve been left to stumble through life, having to learn things the hard way.
Because in the last 15 years I have not stayed in one single area or one single life circumstance between all the moving, career changes, geographical changes, spiritual advancements, and so much more; I’ve had to change the way I think and the way I go about things constantly. I often say that if I had met myself 2 years ago we’d have nothing to talk about and I say that to illustrate how rapidly my philosophy and life experiences are changing.
So today as I look back on that 15 year history I recognized all of the A-ha moments I had in life. I then realize that they have never stopped. Even in the last year I have undergone some very serious life changing circumstances within one paradigm only to emerge on the other side of it with a completely different view and realization of what just happened.
It turns out that when you’re going through things it’s a lot harder to recognize the A-ha, but after they end and you’ve had some time to reflect you realize all the things you did wrong or could have and should have done better. While you’re going through things you become oblivious to a lot of your surroundings even though you may think you aren’t. The rationalization you hold in your mind and the justifications you make to legitimize your actions and your involvement in the process are oftentimes…retarded, for lack of a better word.
They just don’t make any sense to you after you’ve had time to reflect, especially if what you went through was something difficult or tough for you. I went through phases thinking I was thinking and doing the right things only to realize later that I was a complete fool and made things extra hard on myself.
I believe that this is a natural part of life and it’s what turns a young man into a wiseman, the more life experiences you go through, the more wise you become. The more unusual or uncommon circumstances you go through gives you an edge of wisdom over others. The more changes you go through makes you a stronger person. The term wiseman is a substitution for the word experienced life goer. It defines those who have encountered uncommon and unusual circumstances, and instead of shying away or avoiding them, they rose above those challenges.
You know what they say about kids, the only people who know how to raise them are the ones that don’t have any.
Think about that for a minute. There are a lot of people that lack the life circumstance of having their own children but they feel that they know how to raise them, while the real parents look at them like they are idiots and don’t understand.
But they think they are the smartest people in the world when it comes to raising kids. They think that they are right and us parents begin to wonder how anyone could be so oblivious to the reality of raising children.
This is what I refer to when I refer to arrogance and egotism. These people are in a mindset where they think they know and they think they are right but the reality is not only are they wrong but they are talking about something that they couldn’t possibly know because they haven’t experienced it for themselves.
So us as parents, being a little bit wiser, just kind of smile and nod at them, because we’ve learned that it does no good to try to explain what it’s like to be a parent. We realize that some things you have to experience for yourself and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t really explain to someone what it’s like to be a parent and have them understand you completely without them being directly involved in some fashion.
Without them waking up to a screaming baby 3-4 times a night and feeling tired. Without them having to care for someone else besides themselves 24/7 with no breaks and no relief. They don’t understand that you can’t call in sick — your child needs you. The responsibility alone is more than most people have experienced in their life.
The only thing I can think of comparing it to is enlisting in the Army or being in prison, it’s where you don’t have a choice but to do what you are doing. Oftentimes I make the joke that prison would be better because the meals would be prepared for you, your bed would be there, and you wouldn’t have to take care of anyone but yourself.
As a parent, if you make one bad mistake or take one day off, it could have serious consequences for your young child. They don’t realize what it’s like to not only be tired when they wake up in the morning but to have to chase a toddler around the house. On any given day you could say 10,000 words but they were all the word “no” as your child pulled stuff down, ripped up important papers, climbed on everything, and so many more things that toddlers do.
They won’t know what it feels like to send them off on their very first day of school or to be there when they graduate. They won’t know what it feels like to watch their kids get married and have children of their own. You see, life is about experiences, and if you don’t have the experience, then you are merely a philosopher when you talk about the experiences. And while philosophy can talk about and know a great many things, it lacks the real ability to experience, understand, and feel how others felt going through those experiences.
I could go on all day about experiences versus non experiences and compare both people in all circumstances but the summary is if you haven’t experienced first hand what you are going to talk about, then you might want to err on the side of caution when you speak to those with experiences.
Don’t give a veteran a speech about war, unless you know what it’s like to be on the front line and watch your friends die before your very eyes. What is it that you think you can tell them about about war?
Just because you study history doesn’t mean you can talk about World War 2 to a veteran that landed on the beach in Normandy, yet people try.
Ever watch TV where some Harvard Instructor or PhD is giving some talk and someone that actually experienced something like war begins to tell them about their experience and they are immediately silenced?
Yes, we can be fooled by these philosophers and people who read and study because we don’t have the experiences ourself, so they become the authority on the topic, until someone with the experience begins to speak up — it’s then that we realize our error in listening to the philosopher.
You cannot be a true philosopher on a topic without having the experience of the topic, that’s just my opinion.
Yet, people do this everyday, we’ve seen people be immediately silenced from those who really do know.
We’ve seen homeless stories shock an entire audience. We talk about the homeless like we’ve been there and experienced it, but we are ignorant without the experience. We talk about the homeless being homeless because they lack jobs but when we find out that’s largely not the case we are baffled and realize how wrong we really are.
When we find out that some homeless choose to be homeless because of the freedom it gives them, when we find out that they’ve given up on life and don’t really care about having or finding a job, or when we find out any number of things that are the reality of the homeless situation, we begin to realize our critical error…that they might not see it as a problem.
We make this mistake time and time again because we are so “privileged” in America. So we go to tribes in rain forests and try to “civilize” them. We did it to the Indians without ever considering the fact that these people were far more happier with their simple lives. We tell them that they are deprived, we tell them there’s more out there for them, but how can there be more when they already have everything they need? How can we say they aren’t doing it right when America has one of the highest depression rates every known to the human race? Something just isn’t right about us.
We tell the starving children of third world countries that they are bad off and try to change their situation, but the starving children of third world countries didn’t know they were bad off or had a problem. All they know is what they knew, they accepted it, and that’s how things were.
We interfere with a lot of things because we think everyone should be like us when what I’m really trying to say is, maybe we need to be more like them…
They may be starving, living in the jungle, being chased by tigers, but they are content. They may not have computers, cell phones, or cars, but everything they need is produced locally. Why do we continually tell people they have it bad? Is it because we are so bored and discontent with our own lives that we constantly seek out others to tell them how to live? Who are we to tell someone how to live their life when most of us don’t have control of our own?
I’ve had a lot of experiences in life but I can guarantee you that I’ve not had yours so I don’t know what your life is really like, nor will I pretend to know.
I can’t tell you about Europe because I’ve never been there. Do you think that because I read Oliver Twist that I know the first damn thing about being an Orphan? I’m afraid not.
But I will tell you about the A-ha moments I’ve had because I’ve had a great many.
Am I right? Who knows…
I’ve began to think that people are only right in their current state of mind. In a year I may read what I wrote here and say wow what was I thinking as my philosophy and state of mind changes once again.
So here is the connection between A-ha moments and life that I’ve come to at this point. The rate and frequency of your A-ha moments is directly related to the quantity and quality of experiences in your life combined with your willingness to learn.
In other words, the more you say A-ha, the more you’re living your life to the fullest with an open mind. If you’re not changing, growing, and learning — you aren’t living.
Anyone of any age that thinks they know everything, I feel bad for you because you never made it out of the state of arrogance that just about everyone experiences. You haven’t progressed your mind yet and you have nothing to teach others.
Maybe someday on your deathbed you’ll realize your error and your foolish ways or maybe you’ll just die an idiot, which maybe you’re fine with.
Once you leave this earth the only thing that lives on is your legacy. You live on through the hearts and minds of others. If you want others to remain silent about your legacy because you have none then continue your path.
People don’t remember the day you were born or the day you died, they remember the dash in between. If you want to be known as the arrogant prick that lived down the street, then so be it.
My advice to you friend is to open up your mind and start seeing the world from others points of view, no matter how wrong you may think they are, because more often than not, the truth lies somewhere in between your reality and theirs.
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