In my previous post I talked about making threats to your children and why it doesn’t work. In this post we’ll talk about my preferred method of parenting — persuasion.
Persuasion requires you to communicate with your children for the purpose of influencing their beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. Through communication as equals they will learn to respect and understand you. Once your child trusts you they will be more open to your guidance.
The power of persuasion will also help them through life. Job interviews, sales, politics, and many more things benefit from effective communication.
How did president Obama become president? Persuasion.
Are you willing to take the time to explain to your children what you expect from them and why?
It may seem hard at first but with a little bit of patience and a lot of persistence you can break down their barriers. Remember, your children are not used to you trying to understand and communicate with them — forgive them if they are a little hesitant at first.
They might think you are tricking them into saying something that will get them punished. Both respect and trust is lost when you yell at or spank a child.
Waiting for them to respond or talk to you can be extremely frustrating — be patient. The worst thing you can do is make threats or be agitated with them. If they sense your frustration they will begin to shut down.
If your kids are having trouble looking you in the eye they are afraid of you. Have them write down their answer — the healing process has to start somewhere.
Your child needs reassurance that you won’t get mad and punish them. That you’ll listen and try to understand them. That you’ll give them guidance and not a lecture.
This is how you rebuild trust — start immediately, some hurt cannot be undone. Once trust is damaged it is really hard to regain. No matter what you do, the times you broke their trust and hurt them will always shadow you.
Or you can continue to spank and threaten them without explaining yourself. The world is already full of bad parents, what’s one more?
Here are some examples of poor parenting philosophy:
“Do as I say, not as I do.”
“Do it because I said so.”
“I’m the boss, this is my house, and you will listen to me.”
When you yell at your kids you aren’t actually talking to them, you’re talking at or through them — they mine as well not even be there at all.
When you physically discipline them for doing something wrong — there is no communication or understanding.
In fact, most kids will sit there with glazed eyes listening to you or take their spanking and go on with their lives. Stop treating them like an inanimate object and start treating them like human beings.
Children are like mirrors, love them and they’ll love back.
This concludes part 4 of 4. I hope you learned something by reading. Please take the time to leave me a comment below, I would love to hear your thoughts.
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