This is a type of communication that is based on familiarity with another individual. It could be a friend, it could be an enemy, it could be your spouse, or a family member. It could be with anyone but the point is that as you progress a relationship or get to know or not know someone you establish your own form and line of communication with that individual, both verbal and physical. This communication bond or relationship with that person allows you to quickly and rapidly communicate with that individual at a common and oftentimes publicly dysfunctional wave length.
The purpose of this article is to describe this type of communication and to also illustrate that it can be nearly impossible for an independent third party to decrypt these type of communication lines without being part of or knowing parts of the relationship in almost near full detail because assumptions on communication between two individuals based off your own personal experience with either of the two individuals or with other people you know will always fall flat on it’s face when trying to decrypt Interpersonal Contextual Cryptographic Communication (I3C).
I have touched on a similar type of communication flaw in my article on Visual Misrepresentation, however, that article was designed to help you understand and communicate better with an individual, whereas; this article is designed to illustrate elements of communication between two individuals that you as a third party will never be able to understand, essentially ever, with the purpose of hoping if you’re one of the people who likes to interject between two people communicating, and take sides or think you know what’s going on, that you stop and shut your fucking face (in simple terms).
The task of interpreting and recognizing IC3 is the difference between a good psychiatrist or counselor. The reason that both people need to show up to these sessions is because it’s impossible to do anything other than make each individual feel better about themselves and their thought process without being able to observe and recognize the IC3 patterns between two people. The counselors biggest job is to simply identify and watch how two or more people interact with each other and to solve the IC3 equation between them. If a person goes to counseling or a psychiatrist alone they are only able to help them reprocess or re-translate their own self-defeating thought processes into less disturbing and more positive ways which can provide a temporary euphoria for an individual as they leave but it will quickly dissipate when they begin conversing with the person who they may have blamed as the cause for those thought processes in the first place (which is why a lot of people don’t think counseling works).
The last part of IC3 before I go into specifics is you may be wondering why it’s called IC3. Interpersonal, an association between two or more people. Contextual, commonly abused when misquoting someone people will pull words out of context and pretend they mean something else than intended. Contextual in this instance means you have to essentially know the circumstances, facts, or entirety of a relationship between two people before you can even try to understand. Cryptographic, because even if you understand the context, every relationship has it’s own cryptographic idiosyncrasies, or in other words, their own special way of communicating. Communication, because it’s about communication! There we have what I call IC3.
In context or simply, in a shared paradigm consider the following example as an outsider.
On a long plane ride from Hawaii to California there was what appeared to be a father with his 3 kids. The entire plane ride the kids did nothing but cry and cause problems. The father didn’t do anything but sit there the entire time. At the end of the plane ride one of the disgruntled passengers grew a pair and got up to say something to the father.
“You know, it’s rude that you let your kids cry on this long flight, there are other people to consider here besides yourself, you’re a horrible father for allowing that behavior to happen.”
The father looked up at this passenger and said, “I’m sorry, their mother died early today and it’s been hard for all of us, I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to them. “
The passenger of course said, “Wow, I’m really sorry, I didn’t know.”
And you can imagine he felt like an asshole for the rest of the day. But this is precisely what is meant by context or paradigm. If you don’t understand the circumstances for the results you are seeing live or the surrounding facts or events, then you can’t properly translate what is going on without it. This passenger went from you’re a horrible parent to I’m really sorry in just a second once part of the paradigm was revealed.
The same holds true for two people arguing. You may have heard some guy call his wife a bitch and you may think to yourself hey that’s rude, but without the context or knowing the “why” you can’t make an appropriate judgment and are only left with an assumption. If you had found out that maybe his wife had killed his dog earlier or did something else, you may or may not change your mind and agree or call her a bitch yourself.
Even if you see someone beating the shit out of their significant other in public, your first reaction is probably to call the police and wonder what’s wrong with that individual, but what if the circumstance was that one of the parents drowned their kids in a pool intentionally earlier? Would that not change how you view that event? Would you not be right there beating the shit out of them as well? Think about the context or paradigm between two individuals and what you really do not understand.
Even with your best friends that you know, you may have your own IC3 with them, and you may jump on their side when they tell you about their bad boyfriend, but you really don’t know, and when they run back to their boyfriend after a break up you may not understand and think they are stupid. Remember, there’s always two sides to a story, and even with both sides, without the context, paradigm, and cryptographic code; you will just fall on your fucking ass trying to comprehend it. I’m sure you’ll have a lot to say regardless with a big egotistical smile on your face while you say it and you’ll go on thinking your right anyways….but what if you aren’t even close?
Ready for Cryptographic?
Everyone who communicates with another individual over some period of time, the more cryptographic their communication becomes. For example, I have friends that I can flip them off when I see them, and they laugh and flip me off back. If I were to do that to a complete stranger I might get my ass kicked. There are key words, phrases, and things that I can say to my friends where they automatically know what I’m talking about, but if I said it to a stranger they would think there’s something wrong with me. Everyone has them, I don’t know what yours are with other people, the only decryption I have is my own. It’s even sometimes hard to interpret communication between two of my best friends unless I was involved in establishing the cryptography.
The way these things get established is simply by hanging out. Something funny might happen at an event, on a walk, on a car ride, on the telephone, or virtually every place known to existence and if you aren’t there for that event or haven’t been told about it; I wish you the best in trying to decode even your friends communication with each other.
Hey Jealousy – X Marks the Spot
So here’s where this mainly comes into play, X to X communication. People that were in relationships but no longer aren’t but are in new relationships. There seems to be nothing more devastating to a new relationship then when someone in it communicates with an X and the person you’re in a relationship with tries to translate the meaning of such communication to the point where it emotionally interferes with the new relationship.
Some people don’t understand why you talk to X’s or why you say or do certain things. You’ll find that as texts come through or talk in person that the person you’re in this new relationship with doesn’t even have a remote distinct possibly of understanding what anything means or why the communication is there. In their eyes, you shouldn’t be talking to your X and should have nothing to say.
I’ve been through this song and dance a few times now and I’ve been closely involved with other people who are in the same song and dance; so I’ve been on both ends. I still get fear struck or confused when someone I’m interested in or with gets texts from X’s but after everything I’ve been through I’ve kind of adopted the mentality that I won’t understand anyways and if they get back with their X it was meant to be.
One thing I try to focus on not doing is getting all up in their business about it because it will oftentimes seem like you’re trying to control and when you try to fight or control something, eventually you get more of what you’re trying to fight and control. So if you want them to talk to their X’s more then say something about it. And if you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, then keep worrying about what they are doing while you make things difficult and unpleasant in your relationship.
Now through texts and voice you might be able to handle, but where it really gets bad is when the person you’re in a relationship with starts voluntarily hanging out with their X. I don’t really honestly think there’s anything that can be said to me at this point that can help me feel better about this when it happens. One thing that helps is to actually meet the X and hang out as a group of 3. If they don’t or won’t hang out as a group of 3, then you can pretty much tell them to move the fuck around because they aren’t over their X or they are hiding things. That’s a really good indicator.
But if they do hang out as a group you’ll know from this encounter what the X’s intentions are and if their relationship has really subsided, at least then, you can be prepared. Regardless, it’s a lot to deal with for most people no matter what you know or how you view things, the immediate response is to either separate yourself from that person (end the relationship), fight with them (ends the relationship eventually), or do what they are doing (ends the relationship down the road). Once you head down the road of doing what they are doing back you end up with twice the amount of problems.
Believe me, you are not perfect, so if you think what they are doing with their X is a problem and you are going to start talking to your X to make a point; you’ve already got your own set of problems equivalent to it without taking that step. Hell, you might not even know about them, but as soon as you start replicating things you view as problems caused by your significant other, you’ll find out really quick. To sum this up, if you have a problem with it that you can’t quickly resolve, you are probably going to end up ending the relationship through anything you try.
One thing to really focus on and remember is that they aren’t there with you or with you because they are bored. If they wanted to be with their X they’d be with their X. They found something in you that they like and enjoy. Don’t stop being that person no matter what, unless you’re really ready to end it and move on. You can only attract people to you by being positive and uplifting. You cannot attract people to you by being negative and putting people down or making them feel bad. That’s an automatic repellent.
So if you’re a third party and you read a text message, an email, or overhear a conversation between two people that you don’t share IC3 with. Don’t assume anything, ask questions and let that person explain, no matter what was said or what you think it means, because you might end a good thing over your own insecurities and misunderstandings.
I’ve read emails before written by my significant other to an X, that clearly indicated (to me) that they shouldn’t have done those things, but come to find out, it was only said to make that X jealous or to hurt them or throw it in their face and didn’t actually happen.
So remember, people make shit up and lie or say things with different intentions to each other than to fuck someone over that’s not involved. When I say things to people, even simple things, it was meant for that person and ONLY that person has a chance at understanding it, and no one else will be able to comprehend its full meaning no matter how plain the text or language. You should be able (I hope) to understand what IC3 is and what it means and be able to identify IC3 you have between yourself and someone else that another person wouldn’t be able to understand. If you made it that far, then consider this article a success.
This same type of thing can happen between friends, especially if you think of a group of 3-4 teenage girls that are somewhat close. They might get jealous or angry when they intercept communication between two of the other friends and may not understand the context or cryptography but think that they do.
This topic is large enough for a book so I hope you get the general idea.
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