Believe it or not, a lot of people end back up with their exes. Sometimes there is a lengthy break, sometimes there is no break at all. But people fear change, a lot would rather take what they have and deal with it instead of move on to new things. Most of them have already developed habits and coping mechanisms to deal with their ex.
It’s like the fine print of every pharmaceutical advertisement ever. “Do you suffer from back pain? Well suffer no more because we’ve got a cure for you, try the all new FDA approved Magical Back Pain Be Gone Pills. Here at ABC Pharmacy we care about you. Suffer no more with this miracle cure. Warning: This pill may cause severe bleeding, dizziness, mental confusion, rash, or sudden death…”
Whenever I see a commercial like that, I say to myself, “No thanks, I’ll just keep my back pain.”
And so most relationships work on the same premise. People have put themselves out there time and time again and ended up in a worse position, at some point they just want to settle, and deal with what they have.
This isn’t the only reason you may end up with your ex again though. Let’s not forget the amazing delusional concept of “I’ve changed” or “we’ve changed” or “things are different now.” Yes, we cannot forget about this fairy tale crushing faulty logic of wishful psychotic thinking.
“Oh, I realized my mistakes, things are different now, I’m different, circumstances are different, this time it will be better, I’ve healed, I’ve fixed my errors, I’m so different, this time it will be amazing, so amazing….”
And it usually is amazing, for like a week if you’re lucky, but a month max. I’ll give you 30 days to realize you’re a complete idiot…again.
It’s not that people haven’t changed, it’s not that people haven’t healed, and it’s not that things can’t be better — it’s that they won’t be.
They won’t be because you forget about the power of habit. You forget about the power of the mind. You forget, that they haven’t forgotten what you did to them and how it made them feel. Sure, they pushed it aside for now, and they’ve moved on from it, but the chances are about 99.999999% that you will do something similar again or exactly the same, and when you do that, it’s like opening the Disney Vault of hurt, wrongfulness, and anger.
Many of you know what I am talking about. The minute you repeat something you did before is the minute they open up that vault of emotion. They will be flooded by things you did to them in the past and the emotional experiences they went through with you will come to life again faster than pinocchio will become a real boy.
Combine that with anger for having promised themselves that they would never get back with you again, combined with the fact they were doing so “good” without you and had healed, and you’re in for the most miserable time of your life.
If you thought you had problems before, well be prepared to have 2x the amount of problems now, and if just 1x those problems was too much to handle that it caused you to walk away then you are going to be in for the big hurt.
The problem is that you refuse to fail again a second time, that the idealized euphoric infatuated state you just went through isn’t real, is not something you or your ego will accept.
You will say to yourself, “What the hell just happened, things were perfect, we were doing so well and then this shit happened, I don’t get it.” You will try to restore you and your ex back to that fairy tale state of mind, but the reality is, it’s not real.
You will die again on the inside, worse than before, crucifixion times two, but unlike jesus you won’t be dying for anyone’s sins but your own — you did this to yourself. You cut down the tree, you made the cross, you even hammered the spikes through your own wrists and legs, and if you don’t catch on quick enough you will end up so pseudo permanently catatonic and dumbfounded that you may never come to your senses again.
You might end up doing stuff you could end up regretting, okay I lied, you’re going to do stuff you’ll end up regretting, the goal here is to minimize the collateral damage.
Remember, there’s a reason they are an ex, and people don’t normally change enough in any period of time to become all of a sudden compatible with you. Remember when you broke up? There wasn’t probably anything you liked about this person. Nobody changes the entirety of themselves in such a fashion where your sequel could work. The first movie wasn’t good, nobody cares about your sequel. Why fall for it?
You fall for it because time does an amazing thing. It deadens the feelings of all the wrongdoing you’ve ever experienced. It lessens the hurt, and when the emotional hurt disappears from the wrongness, you start to think maybe it wasn’t so wrong. The lack of emotion to events that were catastrophic allows you to post justify or write them off as lesser offenses than they really were.
We all do this with almost everything in our life, not just exes. We always remember things, but as time goes by we recover emotionally (to some extent) from our hardships and losses. We always strive to get better.
That girlfriend that ran your dog over with the car on purpose, you have now written off to “Yeah that was terrible, but I probably deserved it, besides she was so angry with me, look at what I did to her, I’m not saying it was right, but I’m saying I get it.”
When we want something we tend to explain away the deal breakers. Maybe you have some deep rooted attraction to your ex, maybe you enjoyed spending time with them, sleeping next to them, enjoyed how they helped out, maybe you enjoyed partying with them, or maybe it’s a physical attraction.
It’s not hard to want the things you had before that you liked. As you begin to dwell on the things you liked about that person, you start to overlook the things you didn’t like, to the point where you let them back in your life to get those things.
Meanwhile, everyone else is looking at you like you’re bat shit crazy, “Dude, she ran over your family dog…” And you’re trying to tell them to stop exaggerating it wasn’t as bad as it really was, besides the dog lived, it just had a broken leg, yadda yadda yadda <insert more bullshit here>.
You’re under an enchantment, a spell, you’ve tricked yourself, you’ve been deceived, when we fixate on getting what we want, we as humans sometimes don’t care what it takes to get it. This is true through all of history. We will explain, ignore, or justify everything and anything once our mind and sights are set on the goal.
We have to have it, we have to have the precious. And so be it, you’ll get your prize, you’ll get what you asked for, but I must warn you, the treasure you seek is cursed. Do yourself a favor, go buy the biggest dildo you can find and sit on it, you’ll feel better about fucking yourself this way then you ever will about getting back with your ex, it will be a whole hell of alot cheaper, and don’t worry, your asshole will eventually heal, but if you go through with this, your heart never will.
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