Relationship Follies: Filling the Void in Your Life

Lots of things can go wrong in a relationship but only if the relationship is between two people who are not “complete” people and rely or depend on others for their energy fulfillment, or to fill their voids. These people feel something in life is missing from their lives and that they cannot be complete without fulfilling whatever that may be.

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Voids come in all different shapes and sizes with a variety of remedies but they are derived from negative emotions like insecurity, fear, lack of purpose, hopelessness, and loneliness. These don’t include all of the reasons people have voids but feeling these things is perfectly fine and normal. What’s not okay is to rid yourself of these feelings by relying on another person.

Oftentimes two people with huge voids combine into a relationship to fulfill each others voids and almost always this ends in disaster. If the relationship doesn’t end in disaster it’s usually because people are afraid to end it because their voids will become present again. So they go on with the relationship being miserable in a different kind of way, just barely hanging on all the time.

Transfer of Energy

Think of a person with a void in terms of total energy out of potential energy. To illustrate, picture a glass that is half full. See the glass below? The water represents a persons energy level with a void, half full or half empty it doesn’t matter. When it comes to dealing with energy you need to be topped off to be a “complete” individual.

So in most horribly formed relationships you have 2 people and it looks like this. Here you have two half full people, when you combine these glasses, you end up with 1 full glass. You essentially take two people and make them into one complete person, which is bad.

 

 

 

As long as you rely on another person for your energy, you’ll never be happy, you have everything within yourself to fill your own glass. Flawless relationships work when both glasses are completely filled to the top prior to the relationship. It is possible, although rare, for two half people to exchange energy with each other that inspires them to fill their own glasses resulting in 2 full glasses after the relationship is formed, but it’s rare. When the glasses are both filled each person then adds bonus energy to the relationship and doesn’t try to suck it out of each other.

When a relationship is formed by two half people, two things happen. They either combine glasses and become one person or one person sucks energy and the other loses it. These glasses could end up 70% full and 30% full, whatever the case may be, they don’t even need to add up to 100%, but it looks better for examples. One person feels better stealing energy and the other person is miserable. As a persons glass becomes less and less, the relationship becomes more and more bitter from that persons point of view. Eventually they snap and have to leave or it ends.

Happy Ending

This is actually called a Happy Ending. People often say they want happy endings, but it’s actually an oxymoron. It doesn’t make sense, how can you have a happy ending? I just gave you an example. When you end a bad relationship it’s a happy ending. What people really want are happy beginnings and happy middles with no ending.

In a relationship that ends where one person sucks the energy from another, one glass starts to refill to where that person was before the relationship, say 50% and the other comes back down to 50%. Both people are still half empty and need to seek additional energy siphonage from another human being. This process can take time obviously, ending relationships are hard, but you’ll find that wherever you entered the relationship at energy wise, is usually where you’ll end up again until you become aware of this energy theory.

And then there is the case of both people depleting each others energy and no one adding to anything, these are common relationships that are formed and people struggle trying to hold onto absolutely nothing. No one gets any energy from the other person it’s just down hill all the way, both people feel bad always, but both hold on out of fear or belief that somehow things are going to get better. They don’t understand the problem is not the relationship, they are each their own problem, but want to blame it on the other or something external to them, such as a relationship. They are probably accustomed to relying on someone else for their energy.

The 4 Energetic Roles People Play

Before I dive further into examples of these relationships, let me first explain to you 4 roles of humans as far as energy is concerned. Each person demands energy from another individual and they’ll get it in one of these 4 fashions. Some play more than one role or a mixture. They are divided into two categories, 2 of them are passive, and 2 of them are active. These are derived from The Celestine Prophecy for anyone interested in exploring this principle further. You will most likely be able to identify everyone in your life primarily into one of these roles who is not a whole person.

Aggressive:

These people play the roll of aggressive where they go out and take energy from people by force.

The Intimidator

The Intimidator will physically or verbally threaten you. Their goal is to get you to obey their wishes and do stuff for them out of fear.

The Interrogator

The Interrogator relies on picking people apart by asking questions about a person. They are searching for weaknesses in that persons world so they can attack it. As soon as they find something they can hit on they will be sure to tell you how stupid, wrong, or how badly you’re doing things. They try to convince you that they can help you and you should do things their way. (This is where I probably primarily fit in)

Passive:

These people play passive roles to get people to give them energy and attention.

Being Aloof

These people are introvertive and keep to themselves (they also piss me off by doing this). They play secretive and mysterious. They are looking for people to take interest in them and try to figure them out. They entice you into inquiring about them and enjoy the attention tremendously. Their responses are vague and they don’t say much.

“Poor Me”

These are the victims of the world. They want to tell you how horrible things are for them and their key is to somehow make you feel bad, guilty, or responsible. They want to be pitied so that you will focus your energy on them and possibly help them.

Now that that was all said let’s examine relationships further with these roles.

When 2 People Become 1

When two people become 1 it turns into a control struggle. When someone gets the other half or part of the energy they need they start to demand and expect it from that individual, in fact, they don’t view it as an individual anymore but one unit. Any time their significant other interferes or breaks sequence with the energy they are receiving, it will turn into chaos. When you aren’t your own person and rely on someone else, someone will always try to lead or control the entire energy field. The only way for their to be no control is if both people enter the relationship with full self-produced energy fields.

The control battle results in opposite roles each vowing for control. The Intimidator is attracted to or creates a Poor Me while the Interrogator is attracted to or creates the Aloof.

The Intimidator Verse Poor Me. One person threatens the other, sometimes that person concedes. Or that person goes into poor me mode, making the Intimidator feel bad and they’ll grant mercy. This goes back and forth in this setup with each trying to control the field.

The Interrogator verse the Aloof. One person tries to pick apart anothers world, the other person is vague and introverted barely saying much. The Interrogator tries to get through to them to find something to pick apart, the Aloof tries to distress and tire out the Interrogator. They are each still trying to control the complete energy field.

You can’t have one without the other, but you may be saying wait, what happens if you have two identical people in a relationship, the answer is simple, it won’t work. Remember, people can play different roles they aren’t bound to just 1, but unless they are opposite rolls, there’s not a lot of places the relationship can go.

Energy Depletion

Intimidator verse Intimidator. This either ends in someone following through with the threats and a physical fight, but at some point, someone has to lose. Someone has to leave the role of intimidator you cannot have two intimidators together, they will fight until someone assumes poor me. This is commonly the setup for domestically violent relationships which is typically dominated by the man.

Go ahead and line up the other roles identically and see what you can come up with. Two aloof people would never talk, that’s hardly a relationship, one would get frustrated that the other isn’t asking them questions and ask them questions, at that point they become interrogator.

Two poor me’s? I don’t think so, that’s called a pity party between friends. Sometimes two victims of old relationships build and siphon energy from each other but in the end, someone has to adopt a new role or it just doesn’t work.

Mix and match, Intimidator vs Interrogator. How do you think that relationship plays out?

The mixmatched relationships usually results in energy drain. This is where both people deplete each others energy until they both run out. At this point they usually go their own ways. It was destined to fail.

Some Things to Consider

I like to surprise people I’m in a relationship with. I’m very spontaneous, caring, and I’ll go way out of my way to make someone smile. You may be thinking, “Well that’s sweet of you, you’re a nice guy.” And I say, “That’s not entirely true.”

I tell people I didn’t send them flowers or surprises just because I care about them. I send them stuff because I care about me. You might be wondering, “How the fuck does that work?”

First off, I get purpose out of coming up with creative ways to surprise people or solve problems. This gives me an energy boost of my own, I’m not stealing energy from anyone, but I found a way to create it for myself. This builds my energy up massively. Secondly, when they receive this surprise or present, I usually get a positive reaction. This is where the thing they got creates energy in them and their reaction gives me even more energy to the point where I’m over flowing, it’s kind of like my passive income or return on investment.

Sounds great right?

It is at first but where I fail is that I continuously try to outdo myself. This then starts to become a drain and I get bored or frustrated, at this point my energy drops. I’m no longer getting returns on investments or reactions from this person. This person is humming along thinking everything is fine, meanwhile my glass is dropping from my own doing. At that point, I need energy from the other person. If that person isn’t creating energy to give to me or trying to give me energy whether through their attention or surprises, this results in further energy depletion on my part. At some point, I have nothing left and I move on.

This is opposite of someone who starts a relationship with a siphon effect but we both head in the same direction, I siphon myself, it’s self defeating.

Vampiric Effect

Vampiric Effect is essentially what you’d call the situation where one person needs energy from another person and is accustomed to getting it. They’ll steal the other persons energy, then move on to their next victim, cycling through the process.

Similar to what I go through except I deplete myself. I’m the dying Vampire that needs blood to live cause I ran out of energy and when I don’t get any I die on the inside and have no choice but to move onto the next person that inspires me to be creative again. (I’m currently doing a lot of self-examination on this, I’m only telling you so you can be aware of these type of people the next time you get flowers or a surprise!)

Umbilical Cord Effect

This represents the transfer of two people who connect their energy fields and feed off each other. When one person goes down they both go down. When one rises they both rise. You see a couple super happy, excited, and stuff is going well, the next week you see them bad off. They’ve fully connected their energy sources into each other.

The problem with this is that if one has an external experience that drops their energy field, say a bad day at work. They can deplete the other persons energy just by coming home while depleted. Usually through complaining or “acting” differently, surely, they’ll cause the other persons energy to drop and arguments will pursue.

It’s like being on a ship, if it sinks you both sink.

You can think of energy as your aura if you’d like, when your energy is bad it can affect others around you negatively, when it’s good, it can affect people positively. If you walk into a place laughing and smiling you brighten everyone around you, if you go somewhere and you’re angry, you’ll drop everyone’s mood around you. It’s simple.

How Do You Know If You’re An Incomplete Person?

Are you needy? Do you oftentimes need to talk with someone, kiss someone, hold hands with someone, or hug someone? Do you feel like you’re missing something in your life when you’re alone? I’m not talking periodically, sometimes stuff happens that takes your energy away and a hug or talk can help. But if you find yourself depending on these things, you’re probably incomplete.

The test is simple. Can you be alone with yourself with no one around. No contact with another human being, no internet, no phones, nothing. If I drop you off in the Jungle with a 30 day supply of food and there’s no one around you for hundreds of miles will you be okay? Can you be truly alone and be okay with yourself? If you are, then when you get into a relationship with someone it’s not because you need them or want them, it’s because they add to the completed version of you. You don’t want to need people to add to you to complete you. It’s bad…mmkay?

How Do I Complete Myself?

I have no fucking idea. Everyone is different, I’m not complete. Some people are more complete than others and most are really really fucked up. Some people go to India and become Gurus, some meditate, some go to religion, some climb a mountain and just sit there, some hug a tree; I have no idea. If I had that answer for everyone, I’d be the richest person alive.

Start with trying not to rely on anyone but yourself and pursue things that inspire you to keep yourself busy. It’s usually when you’re alone and have no purpose or sense of belonging anywhere that you start to “need” others.

Good Luck!

P.S. If you read this entire thing, it might sound kind of fucking crazy. Some of this exists in books in places, I don’t know that most of it does. It’s still a concept I’m experiencing and working on, and as always, these posts serve as baselines for my book ideas. At some point I might work any point in this article and expand it into a chapter. Who knows? Hopefully it made you think a little.