Many people die without closure. Closure is when you seek answers to your most important questions. When these questions remain unanswered it can bother you, sometimes forever.
Closure in relationships means you are seeking answers to why something went the way it did or why it didn’t work out. Closure is not just something we seek in relationships, it’s an expectation we seek out of life.
Phrases like, “Be at Peace”, “Put Your Mind at Ease”, and “Clear your Conscious” are really just forms of closure. To put it another way, people like to be free of worry, free of fear, and free of the unknown.
To answer life’s greatest mysteries you may turn to religion, science, or find a mixture of both that suits you. Call it nirvana, enlightenment, oneness, awakening, or simply wisdom and you’d begin to understand what closure actually is.
What you call it doesn’t matter, what you do to get it does. We all seek further understanding of just about everything.
The answers to your questions don’t matter. Even if you had all of your questions answered right now, you would just come up with more. All of your questions will never be answered and you will never be satisfied with the answers if they were.
If I told you God does exist, Aliens are real, I found bigfoot, and the lochness monster lives in my neighbors lake, would that put you at peace?
Once I answered your question of whether or not the Lochness monster is real, there would be an infinite list of more questions. Some of you would want to see it, others would want to know how it stayed hidden so long, if there are more out there, can it see at night, and so many other things until we dissect every part of the animal.
And even after all of that you wouldn’t be satisfied. Even till this day no one knows where the commander is located in Humans. We’ve found that the brain is the command center but where is the commander? Where in the brain is the entity that thinks for us, has our inner voice, and commands our body? Where are the instructions coming from?
Some people call this our soul but it’s just more words for the unexplainable. And that’s the idea I want to get across to you today. Sometimes things in relationships are just unexplainable. Not just break ups but falling in love. People don’t know how it just happened, it just happens. When’s the last time you saw someone seeking closure on how they fell in love?
They don’t, they just accept how they feel and the fact they fell in love, they don’t question it, and that’s what you need to do for negative closures as well, like breakups. Stop questioning things and accept it.
Religions have found a way to stop pursuing some forms of closure because their book of beliefs already provides all the answers for them — all they seek is to understand what is already known. These people are content and don’t have anymore questions.
What a relief!
Now here’s the part you don’t want to hear.
If you haven’t received closure at the time your relationship ends, closure that’s acceptable to you, stop seeking it because you will never get it.
A lot of people linger and hang onto things for a long time, sometimes forever, because they never got closure. They never got to say goodbye or they never got to go somewhere, do something, or accomplish something else during their relationship. Whatever was wrong they could have surely fixed it if they only understood it.
What they have and what they are filled with are regrets. Even if they don’t think about it anymore, something we do or someone we run into; will eventually trigger those hidden memories and feelings.
There’s always going to be that one day a year when your life isn’t going right or something is bothering you and you drift off into la la land. At some point or another, everyone begins to wonder what life would have been like if things had gone differently.
Don’t worry, even though I busted you, this is a normal thing. Lots of people have days like this, sometimes more than once a year, and some people just never let go and can’t stop thinking about it.
What are you going to do?
Write a song? Any of these favorites sound familiar? What do you think they are about? Closure? Regrets? Confusion?
You’re not the first person to go through these emotions and you won’t be the last.
Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man
Goyte – Somebody That I Used To Know
What good is closure if you don’t accept the answer(s) you’re given or you have more questions? Closure is only as good as the person accepting it. You may be the only party seeking closure while the other person may not be.
For every question they could answer for you, you would be hurt or have ten more. Some answers you wouldn’t accept. And honestly, to be completely truthful to you, they might not know the answers to most of your questions. They might not know why the relationship ended or why things happened.
So truthseeker, while your burden is heavy, remember that closure is not a multiple choice test seeking answers, but rather, your willingness to accept that things happened as they did and to move on. Getting closure is not a requirement for life to go on.
In this sense, closure is not a state of life, but a state of mind.
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