If your relationship feels empty, it probably is.
Are you running into continuous disconnects where it seems like you and your partner are having problems communicating or getting on the same page? As frustrating as your relationship might be, the answer might actually be really simple.
You are alone.
What’s that mean?
In a good relationship, a single ship captained by 2 individuals glides across the sea with purpose while conquering new territories and exploring the world together. One ship, two people.
This is a good way to look at a harmonious relationship with goals, direction, and purpose.
As we explore an optimal relationship, the scenario changes.
Picture two ships sailing across the sea with purpose while conquering new territories and exploring the world together.
Each ship manned by an individual in the relationship. A perfectly functioning pair of ships.
This is a power relationship scenario. Two capable ships exploring together as a miniature fleet. With only one ship, if something happens, the ship sinks and you both go down. But now with two functional ships, if one goes down the other can come to your rescue and bring you to safety to rebuild.
In the real world this is called a power couple.
When you are okay with being alone and have no voids to be filled by others, then you are considered a fully functioning individual. When two people that are completely fulfilled on their own come into a relationship, they add to the relationship, instead of drawing from it.
Hence they generate power instead of siphon it.
They do not need the other person, and the other person doesn’t need them. There are no dependency issues and if any partner hits rough seas and sinks the other partner can save them.
It’s nearly fail-proof. A relationship not built out of need, but out of want.
These are the relationships where each person can fulfill their dreams and goals by adding another member to the team.
As we continue with this metaphor, again we have two ships. Let’s say one of the ships is a big ship, meant to be manned by more than one person. The size of the ship is determined by the amount of things going on in your life. The number of bills you have to pay, the condition of your health, your work, maybe school, and any other tasks that take up a major part of your day.
It’s a ship built for two, but not sailed by two.
If you are alone on this ship, it makes life a struggle. It causes anxiety, stress, depression, and more. This leads to constant conflict and fights with the person on the other ship.
Questions arise like why are you trying to sail your ship when we built this big one that we’re supposed to sail together?
Worse, maybe this person isn’t even able to sail their little ship, so now you’re expected to abandon your ship to help them sail from time to time.
What if the other ship isn’t even heading in the same direction as you? What if it randomly makes appearances only to freeload or get assistance from you before they sail off again?
These all represent real life scenarios in relationships.
Sometimes your relationship goals or personal goals are nowhere near aligned. Sometimes people stay with you and “use” you until your ship sinks and then hop on their ship and sail away.
What if the scenario and life you created for your partner is really just your life and you’ve deceived yourself by thinking they were a part of it?
If in explaining all the things you’ve done for them, they say they never wanted all of that in the first place, then you may be wondering why they sailed with you for so long or kept coming back to the ship?
It is different if your partner’s ship is fully operational without you and you’re the one leaching from them. We’re not talking about blaming your partner for things you’ve done to yourself, whether your ship is too big or you’re not able to keep it afloat.
You need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself, which ship are you on, which scenario are you in, and is it time to sail away?
When you expect them to match your efforts in keeping the ship sailing in either of the two scenarios, it will always be met with resentment as you probably start to resent them.
Really take time to understand that you may not have communication issues, or trust issues, or other relationship issues.
You just might be alone on your ship and not realize it.
If you do not have the same goals, same energy, same drive, same ambition, and you can’t work together, then you’re just waiting for your ship to sink.
Sail away while you still can or let your boat sink and swim to shore to live another day!
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