Grow Your Beard, Grow Your Business

They say every 9 out of 10 business startups fail, of the ones that make that harsh cut, 9 out of those 10 will fail in the first 5 years. What’s that have to do with growing a beard? Nothing. But if you want your business to be successful, then fellas (and some ladies) you may want to consider growing a beard.

Sex appeal sells and everybody knows it. Get an ugly person to do a commercial selling beauty products, no sales. Hire a beautiful person, and watch your business flourish.

You may be thinking, “Wait, that only makes sense, if you’re selling something that’s supposed to make you more beautiful, then naturally, you want to hire a beautiful person and pretend they use that product don’t you?.”

Boom, you nailed it!

And that’s why I’m telling you to grow a beard.

Now you’re saying, “Wait, what does what I just said have to do with growing a beard?”

Listen, we don’t have time for silly questions, just pay attention to what I’m trying to tell you.

The fact is, beards make you more trustworthy. Everyone likes a man that looks like he’s just put in an honest days work as a lumberjack, even if he’s a crook. If you can manage to let a little body odor sift into the picture you’re bound to increase your sales ten fold.

Who Would You Trust More?

Abraham Lincoln without a beard?

—OR—

Abraham Lincoln with a beard?

See it’s a no brainer!

You may be saying, “Wow that’s amazing, 10x the amount of sales! How does it work?”

Quite frankly, I’m not exactly sure. All I know is that Beard – Shaving = Business + Success. And that’s the formula that we need to be focusing on right now. First we start with the Beard, and we get rid of Shaving.

This is exactly equal to a Business + Success. I call it the BS=BS plan.

Whenever you’re in a tough spot, just remember the BS=BS formula and you’ll see instant results in no time. With the BS=BS formula you’ll be able to lie to your potential clients with a straight face, they won’t even notice that smirk thanks to your full grown beard.

That’s just one of the many benefits of having a beard!

Up north they have no shave November for hunting season, and all I’m trying to say is we need a little more “No Shave Ever”. Besides being a successful entrepreneur, here are some of the other benefits of having a beard.

1. instant bad ass
2. attracts beautiful women
3. appear smarter
4. people tend to look for a bearded person for leadership
5. can keep you warm
6. demonstrates that you have hit puberty
7. can conceal things in it
8. gives you something to touch while thinking
9. can get free money by pretending to be homeless
10. can dress up as a pirate, lumberjack, or wizard for Halloween

The list goes on, even Jesus had a beard.

Who else besides Jesus had a beard?

Here’s a short list of epicness:

• Gandalf In Lord of The Rings
• Tom Hanks in Castaway
• King Leonidas
• Silent Bob
• Zach Galifianakis
• Captain Jack Sparrow
• Chuck Norris
• Hagrid from Harry Potter
• George Clooney
• Abraham Lincoln

The list of epicness would go on forever but let’s stop right there so I can show you what I’m talking about, look at just a few of the transformations below.

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE (NO OSCAR)

AFTER (OSCAR WINNER)

Do you get the point yet?

Even the Most Interesting Man in the World Has a Beard

Let’s face it guys. Women have an easier time selling things than us, they have boobs we don’t, well some of us do but that’s another story.

Sold Every Strawberry That Day in The World

Made Everyone Throw Up In Their Mouths

Now is our chance to fight back. We have the most ultimate sales tool guaranteed to get you a lot of phone numbers which could lead to more sales (but will probably lead to more one night stands than anything else).

They say the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions. Well fellas, growing a beard has good intentions, so let’s get to paving our way — to success.

It could do us all more good to be more like Jesus.

What would Jesus do?

He’d grow a beard, end of story.